This is by far the most difficult of tests for us women. To know and keep a secret to our ourselves is torture, there simply can be no other term to describe it. You listen to Anna , and as she speaks you know that she is lying even as the other women shake their heads in empathy.It’s not even been 24hours since she told you of this very plan and you have to play along. While you can not betray her to these women as you swore, you feel an itch on your tongue and your wicked self can not let you be. You need to laugh with someone or maybe listen to someone applaud your evil plan.
Sometimes it’s your own secret, something you did on a random day in the present or in your youth. Could have been a one night stand, a groupie or an affair with a man of the cloth. You know very well that you can not tell anyone it has to be a secret but your conscience won’t let you. It’s the feminine thing to do, find a friend we trust and confide. The only mistake we make is believe that this friend will not be disturbed by the secret either just to make idle talk or to seek opinion. We always mislead ourselves by asking our so called friends to “please not tell anyone “. The forbidden fruit is sweetest and there is no fun in being alone in the know, and as the Swahili saying goes, there’s no secret between two people. The best person to trust is a dead person. The devil wasn’t stupid when he approached Eve to test the forbidden fruit, he knew she wouldn’t and couldn’t resist, that’s our nature. We should blame Adam for the difficult labor we go through because he didn’t have to tell Eve about the forbidden fruit, maybe we’d still have it easy.
I don’t know about you but over the years I have found a few ways of keeping secrets even as my inner devil tells me otherwise. My tactics are as follows and no they aren’t perfect but hey they have worked for 10years or so :
- Be Honest. Hahaha! This is funny am laughing as well. What is the point of calling a secret if you are going to come clean? Anywho, some secrets are not worth it, wastage of storage space in your already overcrowded medula. For this reason you’ll avoid having to watch your back and breaking a sweat everytime someone speaks in parables. This is an option of last reason, for me, but in the ideal world it should be the guiding light.
- Write it down. Since you must share this little information why not just get a diary to be writing your hideous thoughts and actions , yes hideous because you want to hide them from people. Writing may give you the same relief of sharing without exposing yourself to a person. I have thought about this many times but I can’t bring myself to doing it out of fear. I am always thinking what if someone accidentally finds my diary? What if they get to read what I truly think about them? Writing is documentary evidence just so you know. So unless you have a closet or a safe you lock your diary in, I wouldn’t do this writing business. Though you can write down your to do lists and chama reminders.
- Telling a friend. This is the commonest and sure way to not keep a secret, it’s a fact. In as much as a problem shared is a problem half solved, in so doing you’ve also signed your guilt sentence because it will surely be used against you. Even as you decide to share you need to assess which of your friends you are going to share with. Is she/he trustworthy? You could be giving him fodder for his next press release. The other thing you’ll need to do is bribe or black mail this very person to keep mum. You will be nice and not wrong the secret bearer, and if you can not do that then you must find a weapon. Be a better friend until they confide in you and you are at par, though you can still do your own research and randomly share your findings in a random story.
- Break it down. Break down your secret, story or problem into several pieces and recreate the story to be of a different person other than or the real person. Now share the pieces with different people never being commital and don’t share an obvious story that will draw a conclusion of the real deal. If possible make sure your audience has nothing in common so that they will not able to compare notes, because if they can then the jigsaw becomes easy to solve. This is my best move giving me piece of mind but still needs a lot of care. You need to know and not forget who you told what part of the story.
On the other hand there are things you shouldn’t do even if you weren’t trying to keep a secret because the past has a way of bringing it’s nasty self into the present even when you don’t need it.
- Don’t share all your personal business on social media. Friendlists keep changing and my friend could be your enemy yet you are posting about her. Don’t forget the screen shot gurus are watching and the internet never forgets.
- Don’t speak when angry or drunk. This is a recipe for disaster. Anger and alcohol have a tendency of inhibiting your reasoning, it’s like driving down the hill with no breaks. While you will be saying the truth most of it would have been better not said. I prefer to go to bed in these states because I don’t want to be caught flat footed.
- Never send messages in the name of confiding or sharing. The technology now will be used against you and you won’t be able to redeem yourself, rather just call even though the conversation can still be recorded it is way safer.
The best way to live is to have no secrets and accept to go to the grave with the ones you already have. But if we live like this then life will be really boring and it will erode our women folk gossip.